I went to the Homebase Garden Centre, looking for inspiration. They have pictures of Jamie Oliver popping out of every plant pot. What’s that about? He’s a cook for God’s sake. I didn’t buy anything. If you wanted a recipe for Cat Pie you wouldn’t go to the Titchmarch Garden Centre ... or maybe you would, in this arse up’ards world.

Chapter 7 of The Under-manager has just been published on
www.scribd.com/poetonahill

They’ve had to print the UK Census Form in 58 languages. It took 20 centuries of blood and sweat to blend dozens of disparate Celtic, Saxon and Nordic tribes into a shaky whole. The multiculturalists have taken us back to the start line in 20 years. Some achievement!

I was just spraying the gooseberry bush with ‘Bug Clear.’
The label says, “Spray today, eat tomorrow.”
“Kills on Contact.”

Crumble, anyone?

New poem ‘Tenerife’ just published.
Go to My Poems, or Snapshots of Life.

Suggestion for the Health and Safety Quango:

Women are notoriously bad at reading maps.
So why not replace this bird in the satnav with a man?
Then maybe fewer cars would drive over cliffs.