Signs of Ageing
Now and again something happens that makes me feel old. It happened just now on the bus. All the seats were full so I was standing there wondering if God still has a beard when I noticed this ginormous fat woman on the seat alongside me; jowls, breasts, belly buttocks and thighs gradually slithering over the seat and seeping into the isle, threatening to engulf me as surely as a Chinese mudslide.
As she struggled to her feet I was trying to work out how she was going to waddle home when she jellied off the bus.
But then she offered me her seat.
I was so upset I took it.