Poet on a Hill

Tuesday, 5 January 2010



For the dubious amongst us, under the “Ingredients” heading on this jar of peanut butter it says, “Peanuts.” Further down, the allergy warning tells us, “May Contain Nuts.”
Would those be the nuts who composed the label?


She Doesn’t Listen

I’m the last of the big drinkers. My wife’s terrified my liver will explode and ruin the wallpaper. I’m also a gadget man. I keep buying things that are supposed to make life easier. But they don’t work so things just get more complicated.

I had this weird dream the other night. I bought a gadget that told me the state of my liver. It was a tube about 10 inches long, filled with mercury that moved up and down a scale like a thermometer. If the reading was 1 or 2 you were OK. But after that you went downhill fast. When it reached 10 you ruined the wallpaper and blew the windows out. My reading was 9.5 and rising! I kept shaking the bloody thing and holding it under the cold water tap but it wouldn’t stop or go down. So I threw it in a rubbish skip.

I told my wife about it at breakfast time.
She said, ‘It’s your own fault for buying it.’